Uncertainty

I wanted to share this Poem I wrote in the hopes it will provide comfort to anyone who needs it. :)

Bliss..

                **Thoughts on Bliss… **

Standing on a breezy beach at night and enjoying the star graced sky while taking in the intoxicating beauty of the Moon's reflection on the waves.  Cool sand between your feet.    

          When the outside air feels as if there's never been a more perfect day and breathing it all in you think to yourself, "Life is Good".

              A conversation with a good friend that doubles as a therapy session with some healing guttoral laughs mixed in for good measure. 

             
Listening to a sermon when something unexpectedly touches your heart and your soul feels a PEACE that only FAITH can provide.

Being surrounded by those you love and who love you back wholeheartedly
When you’ve been worried about a loved one and they walk in the door

A compliment from a stranger transforms your day in a positive way

A song lifting your heart and transporting you to a fond moment in time

Napping all warm and cozy under the covers when it’s cold and rainy outside
The sound of children’s laughter resonating throughout the house

Meeting and getting to know an “old friend” for the very first time

Sleeping in…waking up and realizing you can go back to sleep

Relaxing on a patio with good friends and a glass of wine
Full-heartedly enjoying a meal and savoring each bite

A good book you can’t wait to get back to

Holding hands with your sweetheart

Being unconditionally loved

Relishing your good health

Football games in the Fall

Movie dates with your love

Holding a baby in your arms

Living your life good and right

Strolling down sentimental lane

Knowing that you’ve made a difference

Being told that you made a difference

Snow tipped mountains against blue skies

The sound of trickling water in a stream

A bird’s fervent melody

A beautiful sunset

Feeling inspired

Living with purpose

A healing, cleansing cry

A heartfelt hug

GOD’s love

Experiencing

Embracing

Creating

Laughing

Loving

Singing

Dancing

Seeing

Living

Being

*

This Place

This Place

In November, I'll be 48 years old (really?).  God, it took a while to get here.  Not so much to the number… but to what I call “This Place”- the peaceful destination in which I’ve finally arrived after decades of kicking and screaming like a cat placed over a bathtub, claws out.  Had I known how awesome it would be, I would have given in and surrendered years earlier.  But then that wasn’t how it’s supposed to work.  In the journey you have to go through, not around to enjoy the other side.

I endured my first BOTOX® injections at the relatively young age of 36. No, I didn’t need it then but I had a friend who was doing it so I thought it was time.  It wasn’t.  Years later, I sat there grimacing as a hollow needle forced it’s way under my skin.  Eliciting an unnerving crunching sound while piercing into the fascial muscles between my eyes. By this time, I thought I really could use it.  The results were great and the furrow disappeared…for about four months.  

It wasn’t long after, when I was innocently minding my own business, driving home one day after running errands.  Glancing in my rear-view mirror at my reflection, the bright sun highlighted my chest at just the right angle revealing a foreign texture on my skin.  “What is this?”  I said out loud, a little disturbed.   After an emergency talk with my life-long friend  Jenni, I learned the term for it was “orange peel skin” complements to the power combo of accumulative sun damage and ageing.  Usually starts happening in the late 30’s and early 40’s.  Awesome.  

Then I noticed something else new while getting dressed one day.  Somewhere along the way I had accumulated some bonus padding between my chest and arms. As if my bust was migrating east and west.   Isn’t gravity supposed to pull down and not sideways? Regardless, in the future, more careful attention would be paid to the fit of my tanks and summer tops - Geesh. 

And don’t get me started on this dazzling array of cherry moles now adorning my tummy and those brown spots popping up all over my legs.  I know that these trifle changes are only the beginning (like my Mother-In-Law says "Just Wait").  But I also understand that life has a way of holding our hand and gently easing us into each new phase.  For instance we don't go straight to menopause, we get to have peri first. (emoticon for sarcastic wink goes here).

When all of this first started happening though, I was in a low grade panic.  Every time I turned around there was something different I had to accept.  My youth was dissipating at a snails pace while punching me in the face.  Over time though, I grew to be at peace with it like as a Zen master leading a meditation class.  These days when I discover some new inventory, I embrace its arrival with a shake of the head and a smile as if to say, “fine, come along, we can hang together” (no pun intended).  The struggle is over and the resignation is liberating.

The only thing I’m not Zen about so far is the loss of my close vision.  This has been a tough one. Me and my near sight, we were tight and it’s been a bit of a road to resign to her absence.  I miss my old (what I thought was a) trusty friend who I took so much for granted when I wasn’t yet aware she would someday leave me high and dry.  

Never again would I be able to read another shampoo bottle in the shower or order a simple meal from a menu on my own.  Books and magazines; forget it without the aid of my drugstore saviors (1.50 strength btw), which I'm now dependant on like a blind man needs his walking stick.  Okay, so maybe I'm being dramatic but this has been one harsh adjustment.

All lightheartedness aside though.  The wonderful flip-side to these physical changes are the pleasant refinements happening internally that make it more than an even trade. 

The dichotomy - Your outside vitality gradually fades as your mental, spiritual and emotional intelligence grows in spades.  I’m speaking to; lessons learned, letting go, not giving a darn what others think and the serenity that comes with truly accepting who you are. 

Then there are the biggies; WISDOM, GRATITUDE, PERSPECTIVE and the peaceful deliverance and freedom that accompanies them all.  I’ll trade a few wrinkles (and some hair on my head) any day of the week for the joy of residing in “This Place.”  

Bring it..."Aummm".

Laurie Goyen

September 25, 2014

Comparing is futile - we know this is true.

Should the sky be green or grass be blue?

Yet we alter ourselves -  you, like me - and me, more like you.

We can try this all day but the changes won’t stay

“A leopard can’t change its spots” isn't that what they say?

Embrace who you are - who He made you to be.
 After all, it's part of His plan, don't you see?

Share your  unique light with the world – cuz we're all wonderfully made

What’s the use of a sundial if left in the shade?

L. Goyen

Check out my quite awesome editorial review from Kirkus Indie... So excited!

Check out my quite awesome review from 

Kirkus Indie..I'm one happy girl!

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/laurie-goyen/river-through-my-heart/

Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

Ever changing....

Life is fluid, a winding stream through landscapes never ending.

The heart grasps at memories past, holding them still to keep them near.

But TIME is moving and ever changing.

The bittersweet sting of nostalgia brings tears for wanting what has gone.

Yet these indelible impressions linger always.

In the midst of a beautiful life happening here and now,

There is joy in the present and for the future yet to come.

Still a faint and dull ache runs deep within the current.  

And the soul grieves little by little,

sentimental for moments transpired

and for precious eras forever lost in time.

L. Goyen

 

Brett

       I miss you Brother.

B eautiful Brother of mine.

R adiant in Heaven with God.

E ternally at peace.

T  ears because I miss you.

T hankful for the Gift of you in my life always.