Cruel Irony...

The cruel irony is not lost on me when looking back on my blog posts, that my November 7th post commenced my "30 Days Of Trying Something New Challenge".  My first foray into video blogging began with a crudely homemade iphone video documentation of me trying an Indian Bitter Melon (vegatable).

I remember how giddy I was that afternoon.  I made my long-suffering husband go with me to our neighborhood Sprouts grocery to video a segment.   About the exact moment in time that I was happily filming the silly bit with Doug, my brother Brett was ending his life.  He texted my older brother David the following goodbye...

Nov 7th 3:48 pm ... " I love you brother" 

David was napping with this young son, Christian at that time but when he awoke to Brett's text, he responded:

5:36p.m. "love you too... " 

When Brett didn't respond, later on that evening David again texted him:
9:03pm " Where you at ?"  "Call me when you can .... You are heavy on my heart ".

David never got a response...

I can't help but to feel sad and awful about how I was so happy and having such lighthearted fun... while my dear, sweet brother was suffering so much that he had decided to take his life. 

I know it's not my fault nor do I feel responsible for Brett's suicide..but I do feel guilt that I wasn't there for him more..that I wasn't a better sister to him...his illness was frustrating and it put a barrier between us more than I would like to remember...but he was my little brother and I loved him with all of my heart and now that's he's gone I can't help but feel that I could have been there more for him and that I missed out on so much with him.   

All of my family shares some of this guilt on some level..this is what suicide does..it relieves the one who is ending their life of the pain while at the same time inflicting certain extreme pain on those who loved them the most.  

I do have peace in my heart knowing that my beautiful brother was saved a few years before he passed and that he is in Heaven now...maybe a little earlier than was God's plan.  But he is there...with the Lord, full of joy and finally at peace.

I miss my little brother so much - but one day Brett and I will embrace again.  Until then, I plan on honoring his memory by living my life faithfully and with purpose.  He would want that for all of those who loved him.

It's been a very difficult week to say the least.  But I have one bright spot to share with you all.  I was on The Broadcast this morning speaking about my new book.

Check it out:

http://www.ktxdtv.com/story/23967420/author-laurie-goyen?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=9528710

Brett

My Brother Brett died unexpectedly last Thursday, November 7th.  He took his life and our hearts are broken.  My sweet brother suffered from Bipolar and major depression from the time he was thirteen years old.  Please lift up my family in your prayers especially my Mom and Dad who lost their youngest son.

So many of us are left with our own guilt of wishing we had done more and been there more for him but that doesn't do anyone any good. We loved him beyond words and we miss him terribly but we do have peace in hour hearts knowing that he is finally at rest and with God our Father in heaven.  

http://www.legacy.com/guestbooks/dfw/guestbook.aspx?n=brett-antwiler&pid=167936844&page=2#sthash.ChXewOrM.dpbs

Our dearest Brett, oh how fiercely you were loved.  What we would give for just one more hug. 

We miss you so much my handsome, sweet brother.  Your beautiful blue eyes, your wit, and your gentle, quiet way. 

We ache for how you suffered in this life and for the valiant battle you fought to overcome your pain.

But oh how we rejoice in knowing that you are finally at peace with your heavenly Father.

The Lord says, come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.  Mom, Dad, David and I and All of those who loved you dearly know in our hearts that you are finally at rest.

No more sadness, no more tears as you dwell in God’s home. 

Only peace and pure joy is what you now know. 

We will embrace again in the heavens one day, I know this for sure.  But till then our sweet Brett, we will miss you with all of our hearts and we will honor you by living our lives according to God’s will and in the best way that we can.  And we will be strong like you tried so hard to be.

We love you.

Day One of "30 Days of Trying Something New"

Okay....so today I tried something new....

Indian Bitter Melon...check out how it went.. :)

 "30 Day Try Something New Challenge":

Today, I did something I've never done before.  I watched a live taping of a T.V show (talk about right up my alley!).  It was truly a great experience and it got me to thinking how cool it would be to purposely try something new EVERY DAY for 30 days.  

It could be... trying a new food or dish I've never tasted before or something more involved like interviewing someone I meet on the street who seems interesting.  Why?....Well, why not?  Might just learn something truly valuable along the way and life's short, you gotta have some fun!  So here goes...starting tomorrow: 

November 7th, 2013, begins the journey of my 
"30 Day Try Something New Challenge".  

                                                                     It's On!!    

I'll document each experience daily on this blog...

Let's see what tomorrow brings.  :)

I was touched by all those who came by to support me at my signing.  I know everyone is busy and it meant so much!

If I can write a book and publish it....ANYONE can do whatever they set their mind too!  If there is something you've always wanted to accomplish, but you've always talked yourself out of it...I challenge you to see what would happen if you just did it!  It's a great feeling and I would want everyone to be able to experience that kind of fulfillment.

Today is my first book signing and I'm so excited!  Even though my shipment of books didn't make it in time, at least I will have some inventory.

Three years ago, if you were to tell me I would have written a book and would be having book signings.  I wouldn't believe it.  But, I'm here to tell you that anything is possible when you make you mind up and find what lights you up!

Here's to finding your passion!

I leave you with a great quote:

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose". - Robert Byrne.